Thursday, February 26, 2009

I am Opposed to Cheap Plastic Toys


I know there are some major issues out there: unemployment, health care, the deficit, the market tanking, moral degradation, political corruption, terrorism, hedonism, the threat socialism poses to capitalism, lack of ethics in big business, I could go on and on. All of these issues deserve our attention, but I want to bring to the forefront an issue of considerable concern: the manufacturing and consumption of cheap plastic toys.

I feel an obligation to speak out against this senseless waste of money and energy. Aisles and aisles of cheap plastic toys, bins and baskets of cheap plastic toys. More and more cheap plastic toys. And when I go to the store what do my kids ask for? Cheap plastic toys. C'mon!

"Hey mom, mom, will you buy me a toy."

"No, you have enough toys!"

"Nooooooooo," Owen draws out his exclamation in a long high pitched moan, "I don't have any toys, I don't have anything to play with." he looks at me with sad eyes and a pitiful expression. Wow, this kid's good. Luckily, I have been around the block a few times and after my fifth child I am starting to recognize when I am being manipulated.

"Really, you don't have any toys?"

"Ummm hmmmmmm," Owen moans, "I have nothing."

" So what are all those colorful molded plastic objects all over my house? What are all those super heros with movable parts and muscles bulging, What are those boxes of blocks and bins of track and trains, what are all those grotesquely formed monster guys, what are those dinosaurs, farm animals, cowboys and Gi joes that I find under your bed and in the corners of your room. What are those lego bricks that I keep stepping on all over Heathdom. If those aren't toys, then I don't know why I keep picking them up and sorting them into their proper bins(a job that I despise by the way). What joy! What a discovery! If those aren't toys, then why on earth do we have them."

Great question!

Cheap plastic toys, I have decided, are a menace to society, upsetting the social dynamic of the family and the order of my home, reeking havoc on the environment, stunting the creativity of my children, and are down right driving me crazy.

So, I stand up and say No More Cheap Plastic Toys! C'mon, who is with me. Really, what do kids really need but a ball, a stick, some crayons and a box. I think that is all I had when growing up. My mom was really good at cleaning out our toy closet. That was her super human power: cleaner/organizer. She must have been super human, that is the only way I can explain the way she could enter my home and begin organizing and sanitizing and have it model perfect in one hour. Anyone who knows my mom can attest to this. My boys toy closet, on the other hand, looks similar to Sid's room on Toy Story, guys with swapped heads, pirates with broken limbs, cars without wheels, naked GI joes with beards drawn on their face. It is time I clean up. It's time to economize, to rid myself of the fat, the futile fluff that are cheap plastic toys.

Stick with the original is what I say. Every toy produced is a cheap reproduction of what a stick, ball or box could ever be on it's own.

Perhaps you think I am a making a mountain out of a mole hill. If you think so, you have never had to free said toys from their packaging. This alone would convince you of the logic of my argument. They are secured in there so tightly, mummified almost by countless twisty ties. For what purpose? I wonder if the Chinese government is trying to create new jobs by multiplying the number of necessary twisty ties by ten. You'd think the toys were dangerous to society and aren't supposed to be released to the child. I say your right. Keep them in the box. Send them back and get your child a stick, a ball or box. They will be entertained and you save your money.

That is unless your honey just had his kindergarten shots and needs to be appeased, in this case cheap plastic toys are perfectly appropriate to purchase.



9 comments:

Lauren said...

Amen sister. Well said.

Kris said...

I love it, and how true! I was watchinIdol last week and Paula told one of the contestant the she was "Just Cool" and you popped into my head. Stacey, you are "Just Cool". Some people just are.

Allison said...

Yeah. . . only except Woody and Buzz right? Cause Woody and Buzz are right up there with the stick, the ball, and the box!

Quarantine Coronacation said...

True that Al. Remember Mitch's Bad Luck Woody. He created all these unlucky scenarios for poor Woody to experience. They always kept us laughing. Mitch carried B. L. Woody everywhere he went with his floppy limbs and the rope permanently tied around his neck until Bad Luck Woody was eaten by Hatcher. Mitch was devastated but it was an appropriately unlucky ending for Bad Lucky Woody.

miriamlee2003 said...

Do you write for a newspaper or magazine or something?? Because you SHOULD!!! I am always laughing and nodding in agreement!! Nothing makes foul language come just under my breath, more than that &*#@ packaging you were referring to!! Well WHY do we do it??? WHY do we get them alllll the crap!! Just yesterdy I resorted, relabled and reorganized the toys in the kids bedrooms. I'm on the verge of banning toys from the bedrooms. All toys stay in the basement!!! A puzzle or game is allowed on the main floor of the house. Aaaaahhhhh!!!! Just thinking about it all makes me NUTS!!! DO SOMETHING!!!!

lori said...

the other day kelsey was lamenting about where we live and wyatt spoke up and said that he likes living here. then kelsey asked him why, and he said it was because he could go outside and play. he liked having this much land around to play on. kelsey responded, "well, when i look outside and see you playing, all i ever see you do is walk around with a big stick and hit stuff". after a moment of reflection, wyatt said with a chuckle, "you know, that's actually a lot of fun!" truer words have never been spoken. maybe i should give that a try myself. forget about all the flashy and obnoxious toys that are meant for kids and adults alike...just give me a big stick any day! :)

The Gallup Family said...

living in the hotel has put this whole cheap plastic toy thing into perspective :) Jax has one hot wheel car and he takes REALLY good care of it he brings it everywhere we go and has fun with it imagine that!!!!! Just......1 not 20 or 30 all at once on my floor not to mention the hundreds of other toys I've bought because the kids see them on tv and they NEEEEEEED them. The hotel room however it taking a beating, the kids are making forts, jumping on beds, making expirients in the microwave and unfortunately lamp shades are broken drawer handles and power shotrtages from microwaving toys.....hmmmm not a bad idea :)

The Slems said...

Stac-
Just donate all the little plastic nightmares to the church nursery.......
everyone else does.

brynna cadman said...

I think the boxes were the most fun. The bigger ones were the most fun. You could make so much fun with a box.