Matters Of The Heart.

an angiogram of a healthy heart

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Sometimes I suffer from "analysis paralysis" which isn't good, especially if it is about something that brings you down. Another word for that is "stinkin' thinkin'" But it is good to be reflective and prayerful. I think we all come to points in our lives where we need to grow, we need to be stretched and challenged, tested even. Those times are meant to teach us and we can get through them, eventually, with Heavenly Fathers help. Those are the times when we really turn to our Heavenly Father and learn to depend upon him. But I have learned that the real work begins with us.

Last September, while exercising, I almost passed out which led to a stress test, which lead to an abnormal ekg reading, which lead to a consult with a cardiologist, which lead to an appointment for an angiogram, which lead to an immense amount of stress. While standing in line at Kaiser to get my perscription of aspirin and nytroglycerine. . . did you get that? Nytroglycerine. . . that is that little white tablet that you take to stave off a heart attack. . .I know. . . CRAZY! I tried to keep myself together while I watched people stare at the TV. Jerry Springer was on and two women were having a cat fight over the same man. Yucky! When I got to the little glass window to pick up my perscription, the clerk asked, "Have you taken these meds before?"

"No,"

"Would you like to speak to the pharmacist?"

"Yes," can you tell I was a little numb.

Once the pharmacist arrived she asked the same questions, and when I like responded she went into detail. "Keep these tablets in your purse where they can be with you at all times. If you feel a heart attack coming on, take a pill and put it immediately under your tongue. Every second counts."

"What exactly does a heart attack feel like?"

"Pressure in your chest, nausea, shooting pain down your left arm."

While looking at her through that wall of glass, I wanted to tell her that all this stuff about carrying nytroglycerine tablets in my purse was not doing my heart any good. Hello! Don't you want me to stay CALM!!!!! I didn't like the earnest way she was telling me, like she really believed something was going to happen. . . I wanted her to say, oh you won't be needing these, but keep them around just in case.

Nothing like being told that you may have a heart attack to get you to start thinking about your life. I knew that I was relatively healthy, my cholesterol was normal, I exercise, and eat right. I started thinking about some of the emotional issues that I have been having with family and some of the life changes that I have experienced which have brought stress. I wanted to look more deeply and with the guidance of a good friend started looking into the mind body connection and how emotions can affect our health. This is what I found.
The things that can make the heart sick are the following:

upsetting family problems
difficulty forgiving, including self,
feelings of rejection
hurtful relationships
withholding love
feelings of resentment or hurt
not feeling approval from others
violating laws of love knowingly or unknowingly

Some of the scenarios rang true to me. I had been carrying burdens, anger, resentment in connection to events have occured over the past few years. Perhaps I had a right to my feelings, perhaps mistakes made did cause pain, but it was my choice to hold on to them. A wise friend told me once, with regards to issues of expectations that weren't being met "I needed to free myself of unkind and hurt feelings as well as expectations that others couldn't fulfill. I needed to forgive them and love them in their shortcomings." At the time I didn't fully understand the power of that advice. I didn't understand that power to change my feelings was soley my responsibility. That people will be who they are--imperfect individuals doing the best they can. We have no control over them, only ourselves.

Since then, and since my angiogram, which came back perfectly fine by the way, and I might add,was quite a bit easier than getting your teeth cleaned--The last time I got my teeth cleaned I feel asleep, and I still haven't decided if it was because she was so gentle or because I finally had some peace and quiet with out my kids--but I digress, I have been attempting to rid myself of hurt feelings or expectations that bring me pain. I was promised that if I did, the heavens would be opened up to me, and I would have peace. I believe that it is so. I was reading the other day and was reminded of this same advice: "There is NO WAY we can see things through another person's eyes! Who gave us license to judge or blame? Our only assignment is NOT to judge or blame, but to FORGIVE. Where others are concerned the attitude or situation just IS." We can't change it, but we can change the way we perceive it, and we can forgive it and go forward. I learned that if we don't it will only end up hurting us. I think that is why Heavenly Father wants us to forgive and even commands us to forgive. Because that is the way to peace and happiness. All of our Fathers laws are for our protection. If we can let go of the pain and love people unconditionally, then we can experience real joy and so can they because they are free to live and love in like manner.

Here is another quote from my reading: "In his book Return From Tomorrow George G. Ritchie asks: Do you want to affiliate with the Christ in people or the Adversary in people? Which ever one you choose, it is necessary for you to find those characteristics--either Christ's or the Adversary's--in each person you meet. . . and in, I might add, your Self."

I love that!